I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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