i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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