I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
