All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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