That's intense
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
