There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
