I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
