On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
