He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
