i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
