and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Houston, we have a squirter
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
