You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
