She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
two words...techno handjob
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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