You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
