Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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