I'm drive I can fine osifer
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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