From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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