Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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