Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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