I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
