new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
