your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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