im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
