matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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