the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
