I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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