yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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