On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
