I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
