There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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