upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
