My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
