I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
