Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
