I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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