real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
