Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
