a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize