You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
