My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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