I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
