OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
