How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
