tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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