the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can you bring me the toilet please
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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