I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's shark week go big or go home
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
