What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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