is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
