Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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