i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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