Plan B is the new Plan A
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A+ Viking dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
