so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
