If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
