My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
meet me or not, i'm out of control
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
