I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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