did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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