I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you made out with another girl for some wings
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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