Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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