My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
