I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
