oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
