I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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