member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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