'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
