if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
