he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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