I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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