Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
