he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
