i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
