I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
