I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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