my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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