You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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