im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
