There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
