So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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